Dancin' Update !!!

Bye, Bye Rocco !!!!

On Tuesday's Dancing with the Stars results show, we already knew that it would be a battle royale between Cloris and Rocco to see who would get the ax. Early intelligence all but insisted it would be Rocco, as no man can survive wearing what he wore on national television and not be punished for it in some manner. Who did not live to samba another day? Read on to find out…
As Julie Chen would say: But first!

Grammy Award-winning Ne-Yo and flamenco troupe Los Blahblahblahs (sorry, seven years of Spanish and I have no idea what they're saying…) will perform tonight.
To review: Lance likes Sir Dance-a-Lot, which is upsetting. We saw Cloris do her sundial impression again and call Corky her manservant. Bergeron is still insisting that Lucci's tango was hot. (Is he not reading my recaps?) "Tasty morsel" Toni showed us how bootylicious she is, while "The Vest" Alec took the opportunity to flash us his man-breasts yet again. Cody continued his sacred journey through puberty with a testosterone-filled rap with Julianne, whose laughter surely keeps angels aloft. Len singlehandedly alienated every disgruntled husband in America when his comments convinced "Brooke Burka" to wear more clothing. Warren was characteristically modest about wanting to return. Maurice is still doing his Rerun impression. And Rocco collapsed to the floor and wept softly into an ocean of hot-pink ruffles.
Then we saw Lance and Lacey's tango again. Lacey's tattered dress and spiky 'do kind of reminded me of Pat Benatar's video for "Love Is a Battlefield." I liked it just as much as I did last night.
Then we had the first in a series of fake campaign-style advertisements, in which Cody's blushing masculinity is assaulted by Brooke Burke's attack ad. Ugh, I hope my mom likes all this filler, because it just makes me feel stabby.
"Never trust a skinny chef," says Warren's fake ad about Rocco. I do not approve of this message.
Bergeron reads my mind and sums up Samantha's "How nervous are you about being eliminated?" segment with Maurice and Cody. "We always love to rub as much salt in their wounds as we can every Tuesday night," the Berge snarks.
Then! Where are the seven brides for these seven flamenco-dancing hermanos? (Los Vivancos?) Ladies, amirite? If I had my way, I'd rename them Los Pectorals. Jeez, were they grown in a lab or something? As with other flamenco dances I've seen, I'm impressed by the feet; the rest, not so much. Right around the time that they removed their cloaks and things went all Chippendales-y, I went to the kitchen for a "snack," but I swear I heard Carrie Ann make that shudder noise again, and when I came back, Bruno was smoking that cigarette. (Los Fremantos? It sounds different every time.)
Let's check the standings, shall we?
1. Brooke and Derek 2. Lance and Lacey 3. Warren and Kym 4. Susan and Tony 5. Cody and Julianne 5. Toni and Alec 5. Maurice and Cheryl 7. Rocco and Karina 7. Cloris and Corky
Susan and Tony are… SAFE! (Corporate synergy!) Lance and Lacey are… SAFE! (Dance-a-Lot!) Rocco and Karina are… IN THE BOTTOM TWO! (Ruffles!)
And now, Ballroom Kids? What fresh hell is this?
"Say no to hot chicks who can dance," says an ad approved by the rest of the cast. Um, ha?
Ballroom Kids? Seriously?
Mitchell, 11, and Jessica, 10, grew up together. Mitchell golfs. Jessica wants to be a fashion designer. Mitchell thinks Jessica has a beautiful smile (aw). They pinky-swear that this will be the best cha-cha-cha ever! They're super-cute, but I can't help but imagine them 7 years from now when this videotape is used to haze them during Greek Week. The judges better be nice to them! Predictably, they are.
The patter the producers wrote for Kirill, 11, and Hannah, 10, is less natural, so: they lose! Just kidding! Jessica is a gymnast and Kirill plays hockey. It's a little unsettling to see an 11-year-old boy who is so… suave. Their samba is fun, though, and it's scored to that great Jungle Book song, which brings back memories of… something. They are also super-cute though. Carrie Ann thinks they're sophisticated(?). Len mentions that they really worked their bums. I have no idea what Bruno said.
Grammy winner Ne-Yo is next!
"Hasn't Cloris Leachman cost this production enough?" asks the next attack ad, paid for by the Dancing with the Stars accounting department. Funnier…
"Lance Bass is probably crazy," snarks Toni's attack ad, and I breathed a sigh of relief that that "proud American" shtick didn't go in a different direction.
Aw. Kids. God help them, Samantha can't even connect with a bunch of cute, precociouskids. God help me. They're going to do this all season? Kirill and Hannah win, which makes me want to buy Mitchell and Jessica ponies, Xboxes and hot fudge sundaes.
Ne-Yo in the house! (I hate myself for writing that.) He's a "Closer," as the song goes. I like.
"Hasn't Toni Braxton won enough?" asks Rocco's ad.
There are four new dances next week. Filler filler filler filler. That is all.
"Susan Lucci is a filthy beast," says Cloris' perhaps-even-funnier attack ad.
Sambot2000 makes me die inside. I'm terrible on camera, so I shouldn't talk, but someone get her some media training.
Brooke and Derek are… SAFE! (Burka!) Cody and Julianne are… SAFE! (Time to change!) Toni and Alec are… SAFE! (Pectorals!) Warren and Kym are… SAFE! (Touchdown!) Maurice and Cheryl are… SAFE! (Dyn-o-mite!) Cloris and Corky are… IN THE BOTTOM TWO! (Neigh! See what I did there?)

Norma's Comments: I actually thought Cloris finally looked dignified and danced with some dignity on Monday. Does that mean she should have been saved last night? I still think Rocco dances better than he's been given credit for. Okay so he can't clap on the beat........He has those cute dimples.

I thought Lacey and Lance were wonderful.... I'm glad their finding their stride. I loved the little political commercials last night. I thought they were funny. I'm becoming a Warren Sapp fan. How can he be so light on his feet??? Who I think should go??? Cloris and Susan. After that it will be an all out battle.